Accountability and Justice
Normally, I would not talk about politics here. However, I have found that not discussing policies (and the one who we entrust to make such decisions), often brings about the common mental health symptoms such as anxiety and depression that many of us experience. Thus, it is my intention to discuss this concept in a way that is hopefully healing. So, if you are interested to see how well I do on this, please continue to read on.
In America, social media is rampant with discussions regarding the two Presidential candidates. Ironically, we have ended up with a Prosecuter and a convicted felon as opponents. The symbolism here provides a rich space to really discuss what accountability means. Does accountability mean that someone who has convicted a crime should not be able to be the Leader of the country? Or is it justice? Similarly, there has been some discussion that the former Prosecuter who is now the Vice President may have been complicit in the violence between Israal and Palestine. Would voting for someone who may have not stopped killings of others get in the way of justice? While this posting is not to argue the merits of either candidate, nor to persuade you to vote one way or another, asking questions such as these can help us analyze what it truly m eans to make informed decisions.
Making informed decisions often contributes to our sense of accountablity. When I say that I am holding someone accountable, including myself, I most likely had to go through a decision-making process in order to do so. One may do this by reviewing what happened-such as court processes. However, I have found that one of the major sticking points here is that we do not here both sides. Often, if we are the victim, we are being the Prosecuter, noting all the evidence that leads us to say that the other person is guilty. However, sometimes listening to another person’s argument as well creates space for conversation that might ultimately lead to that sense of justice.
Does that mean that every conversation will lead to our sense of justice? Most likely, it won’t. But, it may limit the amount of time we spend wondering and trying to guess why someone might have done something a certain way. Often anxiety and depression grow from seeds that may not be true. We may think someone does not love us because they did or did not do something, but in reality, they may have not had the capacity to do what you expected, even if it was very much in their heart to do so. This is where grace may have some space.
With clients, and with myself, I try to consistently remind us that grace is imperative. We are all imperfect individuals and thus only hurt ourselves and others more when we are only focused on punishing someone. Instead, we can acknowledge that harm was done, and choose to forgive ourselves and each other. This still does not mean that we will get the person to do exactly what we would like, however, it does create space for more conversation, and hopefully, a better way to be with one another (or to be at peace separately).
While we cannot control how justice is attained, we can control how we hold ourselves and one another accountable. How many times have you told someone that what they did made you feel a certain way? Did you talk with others about the problem in exasperation, or did you speak directly to that person? If you have and have consistently set boundaries about the issue, yet still did not see the changes that you and the other person agreed upon, then we must just learn to do what is best for ourselves. Sometimes it is letting go of the expectation that you will get that justice in the way that you thought in order to free yourself. We all have our journey and life has an interesting way of maintaining a sense of balance. While we may not be able to control the outward balance, we can address it inwardly with acknowledgment, forgiveness, discipline, and grace.