An Inconvenient Healing

As a stickler for schedules and structure, I am not a fan of being inconvenienced. In general, I am not one to wait. As a mental health professional, I have learned to engage in practices that encourage patience, however, personally, I still find that I struggle with things not happening when I’d like them to. Sometimes, it is uncomfortable to be in a space where there appears to be limited movement. With the COVID pandemic, many of us can relate to that frustration. Trips… canceled. Celebrations…postponed. Return to office dates…unclear. Right now, it may feel like there is more uncertainty than previously, and that can feel inconvenient, to say the least.

So, how do we make the most of this space that we find ourselves in? Perhaps breaking things down may be a good start. Since we know that some things are outside of our control, perhaps we can start by considering what is within our control. We can control how we respond to people and situations. We can also choose to engage in new activities or hobbies. We can choose what we consume mentally and physically. As a highly sensitive person, it can feel like we are often swept up in the emotional energy and information that we are sensing at any given point, however, we get to choose what energy we allow within and also the energy that we dispel. Sometimes choosing to identify what is happening and deciding which way you would like to respond, instead of allowing the energy of everyone else to take up that space. We have a right to determine what energy we bring in a space, even if that space isn’t the preferred space at that time.

But, what happens when we have focused on changing those things that we can and still feel unsettled? Sometimes, as a highly sensitive person, those uncomfortable feelings can particularly feel inconvenient. They alert us to information that perhaps others may not recognize and it can be difficult to be the one who has to ring the alarm. In times like these, it can be important to recognize the risk that not speaking up brings for yourself and others. Have there been times in the past in which you felt something was wrong and did not speak about it? How did that feel? What was a lesson that you learned from those moments? Now that you have that information, what are you choosing to do with it? Even if you do decide to communicate that concern to others, sometimes that concern is something that we may need to pay attention to for ourselves, and for me, that is sometimes the most difficult. I want to work on things when everything is lined up, when I am in a peaceful space to focus on it, or when I have all the materials that I need. However, waiting for that perfect moment to grow, to do the work, to take a chance, can mean not growing at all. So, I have come to accept this truth: most times our growth may feel inconvenient. While we may not feel that it is perfect timing, perhaps there is more at work than what we see right in front of our faces. Perhaps this healing needs to happen now so that you can help someone else, or maybe it is just time to change as a person. I have learned that the more that I work on my personal issues, the more that there is a need for me to change a bit at my core. This does not mean that I sacrifice my morals or values, or even become an entirely different person, but it does mean that I allow myself to step more into the woman that I need to be for my own healing. As a sensitive person, that could mean exploring more of what it means to be sensitive and not allowing myself or anyone else to shut that down. It may also mean sitting in that discomfort. It could also mean engaging in healing relational practices, such as expressing my own needs, desires, and concerns. There is a reason why we have the term, “growing pains”. Growing doesn’t always feel great-I have found for me it can feel like a tug of war. On the one side, I have someone tugging at me to maintain the status quo. On the other hand, I am pulled into something that I am not entirely sure of. Unlike those physical growing pains, we get to choose if we are going to intentionally grow.

As inconvenient as choosing to grow can be, it also opens more opportunities to change the space that you may find yourself in. The beauty in this is that we do get to choose when we pay attention to that space. I encourage you to mind those moments that seem to scream for you to return to those habits and beliefs that don’t serve you and consider trading them in for that new version waiting to be chosen. You deserve to become the best version of yourself, and even if it may feel inconvenient or even strange, there can be a greater payoff in moving through that space, rather than choosing the path of least resistance. That growth space is always here for you, pandemic and beyond-it is just waiting for you to choose the growth that you deserve.