Who's Coming to the Party?

Alright, confession time: party invites annoy me. I love curating unique events and bringing people together, but I hate thinking about the politics of it all. It can be hard to predict which one of my close friends would vibe well with my associates, etc. However, if I am most honest here, the most difficult part for me is being with people that I don’t necessarily feel that I can be myself with. You know that saying, “you don’t have to go to everyone’s party just because they invite you?” I agree with that statement, particularly in the context of someone trying to pull you into gossip or drama. I understand that I can choose to not engage. However, I also know that there is a side of me that gets pulled into the allure of drama nonetheless. So, how do we get sucked into the drama? Here a few “drama-rama” traps that can put us in some messy situations:


  • Social Media-Social media can be a very useful tool for networking, finding out about events, and connecting with others. However, social media can also be a petri dish for drama, especially when it comes to opinions on “hot topics”, such as politics, social injustice, etc. It seems that there is always at least one person who wants to start an argument, especially when they may not have a personal connection with you. So, how do you typically respond to that? Do you feel that you must state your opinion as it is the right thing to do? Can you ignore such things? Perhaps a better question might be, what is your intention for the conversation? Is it most important that you prove yourself through your argument prowess? Or is there something else that you could do to stand up for what you believe is right?

  • “Water cooler talk”-Ah, the infamous water cooler at work-the place where most people gather to talk about the day...and perhaps other people. While drinking water is very important, these conversations can greatly impact our social and psychological well-being. Gossip, whether at work or at home, can plant seeds of mistrust of others.

  • It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to”-this applies to any event, inclusive of parties. This trap can be particularly alluring as some believe that it can speak to how popular you are based on the attendance rate. Sometimes, we can become concerned about numbers that we forget about the experience.



Okay, so now that we know the traps, how do we avoid them? First, we must acknowledge that not all traps will be avoidable. You may be scrolling on Instagram and notice that someone has made a racist comment. Acknowledge your reaction-what happened to you when you read that comment? Why do you think you felt that way? If the comment brings up very distressing thoughts and feelings, reach out for support. Next, search for the opportunity within the challenge. Maybe you work in a culture where everyone is talking about someone.Choose to be someone else! Decide to discuss what you appreciate about your team, rather than the mistakes. Usually people who speak positivity are more highly-regarded in social settings. Be the change that you wish to see. Not only will you find that you may start thinking positively in other areas of your life and help you further tackle negative thoughts, but you might also notice that your social circles may also follow suit. Finally, care for yourself. There is more to self-care than getting a message and taking a bubble bath (although those can be amazing as well:) Self-care is also about standing up for yourself. It can also help you pursue opportunities where you are celebrated and comfortable being who you are, and say no to invites that contribute to feelings of unworthiness.  If there is someone who usually makes you feel uncomfortable and non-valued consider whether that person is worth spending your time with. We all have the privilege of determining our own values for ourselves. Whether it is family, friends, or strangers, you get to decide how much time and energy your are willing to give to another person, and some parties, or relationships may not be the best invitation for you. Sometimes the most difficult part of that truth is accepting it. Thus, this month’s challenge is an inventory one-begin to reflect on your relationships. How do they make you feel overall? How do you handle conflict in that relationship? If the relationship is difficult, how would you like it to change? Remember, you can choose who comes to the party, if you choose to do so, but only you can decide.


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Word to Your Mother

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Lovin' Me: An Argument for Self-Love