Gifted

Happiness. The wonderful, sometimes elusive feeling that we all search for at some point in our lives. I recently celebrated my birthday and while it is usually coupled with a sense of dread for the upcoming year, I found that I was happy. I found that I was surprisingly happy. Most of the previous year was spent just trying to keep my head above water. I engaged in self-care only after realizing how severely I had neglected myself previously. The damage to my mind, body, and spirit, while not irreversible, was apparent. I began to be grateful for days in which I was somewhat numb to my feelings, because it meant that I was not sad or full of regret. I also realized how much I had isolated myself, putting myself in a bubble for fear that my negativity would infect my loved ones. As a therapist, I knew that I needed to care for myself, but I was also living with the acknowledgement that I was not sure if I deserved, or was capable of being truly happy.

So, I began the pursuit of happiness to see if that was something that life truly had for me. I engaged in radical self-care, which meant seeing my own therapist, taking breaks away from work, consulting with financial professionals to discuss my financial goals, and creating a nutrition plan that would help my body heal as well. At the time, I believed that these were things that I needed to do in order to survive and thus was more motivated to do so. Over time, these things did contribute to me feeling better about myself, however, I still found that I did not believe that I was happy.

The previous year presented me with multiple “gifts” that inspired my growth and this growth helped me in multiple areas of my life, however, I found that I was not truly appreciating those gifts. It felt like a gift from a friend who completely ignored the gift wish list. I felt that I already knew what would make me happy and prayed that those gifts would be given to me, rather than these seemingly random gifts that often required me to put in more work that I felt able to do in that moment.

Once I stopped to reflect, I noticed that those thoughts about my gifts were not helping me-in fact, they were hindering me. My own thoughts were preventing me from creating my own sense of happiness. I realized that my fear of the potential of the gifts were preventing me from pursuing my happiness. Fear can be given a lot of power through our thoughts and feelings, which can distort our reality. I is impossible to realize the power of the gift, if we are consumed by the fear.

Fear is a very real foe in our lives. Fear can be that bully that takes away our gifts if we are not aware of how precious our gifts have t he potential to be. When I foused on the gifts that I receive daily, accepting them as such, and experiencing new gifts with curiosity rather than disdain, I noticed that I was happy. Not just for a moment, but for extended moments.

It doesn’t have to be your birthday for you to realize your gifts. The power of recognizing gifts start with the practice of doing so. Often fear is a feeling that we have conditioned ourselves to. Step outside of your comfort zone and open your gifts. You deserve the gift of happiness over fear.