Making 2018 the Greatest Year Yet
2017....so much to reflect on. For me, it was a year of learning-I was given opportunities that I thought would make my life so much better. I was convinced that if I jumped just a bit more, then the world would lift me to greatness. 2016 had been difficult and I found myself just wanting to be done with the pit-I wanted to be out, to put that stage of life behind me. Like many others, I believed that a new year would bring such promises of things being made anew. However, I quickly learned that a new year does not necessarily bring new changes automatically. While we may not be able to control time, we can choose to renew ourselves at any given time. This year, instead of simply making resolutions to begin the year with, I decided to take a minute to create my own method of moving forward known as R3-Reflect, Reach Out, Resolve.
Step One: Reflect-Although sometimes it is easy to give in to that feeling of not wanting to think about the past, reflecting on past people, places, and experiences can give us an opportunity to learn something new. As time passes, you may discover your perspective on any given situation changing as well. When I work with individuals who are grieving, or if I am dealing with my own loss, I try to encourage myself and others to look at the loss. This is not intended to be a daily practice, however, given yourself permission to face whatever it is, beit, disappointments, joys, relationships, etc, gives you the freedom to observe and learn, rather than being held hostage by the past. What happened? What did you learn in that situation? How did you feel about it then and how do you feel about it now? What did you want to say to him/her? Thinking about such questions can help replace fear with curiosity and help us to move forward.
Step Two: Reach out-there is a lot of power in community. One of the first things that I ask clients is to identify their supports. Often, it can feel like our struggles are only experienced by ourselves, so we isolate ourselves, thinking that no one may understand. However, often those who take the risk to reach out to others discover that they are actually not alone. Even if the person may not have the exact same experience, many of us can identify with similar themes throughout our lives, such as not feeling good enough, family problems, financial concerns, stages of life, etc. When we reach out, we can also find new ways to approach problems that we might not have considered in the past.
Reaching out may also mean stretching yourself and taking a chance for positive change. Maybe you want a new job in the new year, or to feel happier. Whatever your desire may be, moving forward will most likely require courage. We cannot sit where we are and expect anything different to happen unless we behave differently. While this does not mean that another person may change their behavior in response to our own changes, it does mean that we are opening ourselves up to the possibility of changes. In order to see the reward, we must be willing to take a risk.
Step Three: Resolve-alright, so you tried and something happened in response to your behavior. Most of us would then say, alright it is done, time to move on. But, there can still be more to attain from the experience. If you have a goal of losing weight this year, for example, losing the weight is not the end of that goal. Once you meet the initial goal, remember to step back and build on it so that you don't find yourself cycling through the same goals. You may have lost the weight-congratulations! What can you resolve to do to keep yourself moving forward in the future? How might you prevent relapse into behaviors that may have caused the initial weight gain? How can you share what you have learned to help someone else?
Yes, 2017 has come and gone, but that does not mean that we should just leave it lying on the ground. Take a minute to reflect on the good, bad, and the ugly of the year and decide what you want to do with that information. Reach out to loved ones and towards your deepest desires, knowing that we can only gain when we have the courage to take the risk. Finally, resolve to do and be the best that you can day by day, moment by moment.
Cheers to a beautiful new year and beautiful moments,
Chante'