The Fear
So, it is that time of the year again: the time for costumes, candy, fright fests, chilly weather and fall leaves. If you are not into the Halloween festivities, it is also the season of major changes. The weather becomes chillier, leaves are falling off the trees, and we are reminded that there is a time to blossom, and also a time to fade.
I have always found it fascinating that we can use fear as a form of entertainment at times. I could be in line for roller coaster ride, listening to people screaming while hanging upside down several hundred feet in the air. I could feel my stomach doing flip flops, yet, I eagerly wait for my turn to experience the terror.
But, when does terror actually become thrilling? Scientifically speaking, both feelings of fear and excitement come from the same part of our brain, so how do we decide if we are enjoying the moment or wishing the moment would end? How does our brain decide which way to go?
Perhaps our brain decides which way to go based on our personality. Perhaps it theorizes that typically a person who is more introverted should be deathly afraid of going to a party. Or, perhaps if we are typically seen as less of a risk taker, perhaps it decides that anything that might be labeled as “risky” is piled in the fear box. Maybe culturally we have conditioned ourselves to believe that there are certain things that we should be afraid of “just because” we are told to be afraid.
The scariest part of this to me is the fact that each of these factors are dependent on perspective. As a mental health advocate, I often encounter clients who experience delusions, or people who may believe things that may be untrue in our view of reality. However, most of those clients are deeply attached to those beliefs. When these beliefs are proven to be untrue, it can be devastating. I think that one of the reasons that it can be most devastating is because they have integrated their identity into that perception of reality.
Losing who we think we are can be terrifying. Just as people have delusions where they may be the most important person in the world, others have delusions that they are the least important person in the world. Both of these groups of people can have the similar fear of their core beliefs being untrue. Now, perhaps one might think that someone would be happy to know that they matter. However, realizing that you are special and that others do not actually see you as worthless can spike up the fear meter. Initially, that might sound crazy, but upon reflection, perhaps this idea isn’t that far fetched. I can personally attest to times in which I thought that everyone viewed me as unimportant, even invisible at times. When I was told to challenge such beliefs, I hesitated. I hesitated because, deep down, I was afraid of what might happen if those beliefs that I held so tightly were not true. If I was important, perhaps I would not try so hard to impress everyone else. If I was heard, perhaps I would speak up in more leadership meetings at work. If I was beautiful, perhaps I would not beat myself up trying to be the standard beauty that the media portrays. If I was loved, perhaps I would not settle for relationships that break my heart and my spirit.
The truth is, we all become attached to these peculiar perspectives. The good news is that we don’t have to stay attached to these fears. We can choose to want more for ourselves, even if we are more comfortable with our belief that we deserve much less. Yes, it takes courage to challenge those thoughts, and sometimes even the challenge hurts. Just like the fall season, we must learn to shake off the dead things that are no longer helping us become better people.
What is the difference between fear and excitement? The answer is that excitement has hope. Hope is what brings about the spring in our lives. Amidst all of the challenges, I encourage you to search for things that bring you excitement. As the holidays approach, feed the excitement and starve the fear.