Plant or Pick?
As a young child, I would often pick at my skin. I guess I wanted to be the future “Dr. Pimple Popper”. I now know that skin picking can be a symptom of anxiety, but during that time, I just remembered feeling relieved knowing that I tried to “fix” the issue. My grandmother would consistently tell me, “don’t pick it, it will leave a scar that you won’t be able to fix, but I would still continue nonetheless.
Fast forward twenty years later and there is another annoying mark on my face. Most people know that touching your face often usually does more harm than good, due to the amount of bacteria on our hands. However, this mark was bothering me-I was not sure where it came from, but I knew that I did not like it. I grew up in a world where “fixing it” was just something that we women did. When I realized that I could not fix the facial situation on my own. I reached out for help-I saw my dermatologist who immediately stated that she saw the marks of me trying to fix the situation and told me that some things need to heal on their own.
When my dermatologist told me this, I initially thought that maybe I needed a second opinion. Clearly, a skin doctor could give me a cream to apply or something to solve the problem. What did she mean, “It would heal on its own”? What if it did not heal? Would I have to live with just another scar in my life?
Turns out, my dermatologist was not wrong-the body knows what to do when we are injured. However, it sometimes takes time. Our skin is constantly working to repair itself, while also trying to protect itself from future attacks.
Similarly, our mind can renew itself and heal. However, I have found that for me, I want to have the solution immediately. I want the solution to come from within whenever I feel that I need it. I want conflicts resolved, because otherwise, I feel like I am sitting in the mess unnecessarily. So, I engage in trying to address it-I propose solutions sometimes before people even realize the harm that is occurring. I try to handle it, because being in that middle space is super uncomfortable and can be anxiety inducing.
Even though I like to think that my intentions are good, often this approach leaves little space for deeper healing. Even if I am able to come to a solution to relieve that initial pain, it does not address the deeper issue. It also can bring about additional conflict if others may not agree on my proposed solution or timeframe. That Band-Aid may actually suffocate the renewal process needed to heal those involved.
Perhaps you can relate to this. I suppose if I were to write a clinical note on this it would probably read, “needs to work on distress tolerance”, which is basically working on being at peace even if things are difficult in the moment. Sometimes it is those things that are excruciating for us to experience that challenge us to grow in a far greater context. We get the opportunity to be honest with ourselves and try something new, that may actually help us overcome the issue.
So for me, I am committing to trusting the process and finding ways to care for myself while amidst the mess. Maybe pause. Pray. Meditate. Seek support. Responding instead of reacting. Then, move to looking at what I can do for myself that may actually address that pain.
Above all, sometimes it is just believing that renewal is available and possible. Spring is the perfect time for a renewal, but sometimes we have to let those seeds that we have planted, or the seeds that we have been given, come to light so that we can develop the steps to address it, instead of just adding elements in an attempt to “fix it”. Perhaps that challenge is allowing us to dig up those old seeds and plant new, healthier ones. This month, we will be posting things about renewal to give you some additional tools, but know that your mind, body, and spirit is already working to heal-you can do this.