Flip This Milestone!

Alright, so I must admit that I had a milestone birthday recently.  For weeks, I vacillated between excitement and despair. The idea of one decade of my life ending and another one beginning was terrifying! You see, I am peculiar about change. I am good with change, as long as I feel prepared for it. I can move into a new position at work, as long as I have fulfilled my goals for the previous position. I can take an impromptu trip, as long as I have saved for it. I can move into a new space, as long as I completed my previous lease agreement. However, this year, I found that I had not completed those milestone tasks. I found that I had not lived to those expectations.

After much reflection, I realized that I spent too much time in "should have" land.By saying, "you should've done this by now", I was telling myself that I expected myself to do that. For some of these thoughts, it was absurd as there were variables outside of my control, such as other people. When you can start saying, "I expect you to do this," your can realize how ridiculous that might sound. More often than not though, we internalize this. We keep it quiet because it make the most sense in our heads. We torture ourselves with it and we hide it so deeply that we aren't even aware when it starts to make our hearts heavy. So, in a world of expectation, my daily challenge is to replace expectation with appreciation. Recently, I had a really difficult day at work. It was one of those days in which all that would go wrong seemed to have gone wrong. I did not feel competent or powerful enough to do a good job. Out of nowhere though, I received an email where the person stated how much they appreciated me in my role. They acknowledged that I am often seen as the one with answers for everything, even those things that are ambiguous. That moment, my whole perspective changed for the day. I began to search for ways to show me down. It was a light, like a feather. It made the day more than bearable, it made it enjoyable. So, I decided to create a challenge for myself. I call it, the "flip list" challenge. For every expectation that I find that I am carrying, I replace it with an appreciation and carry that instead. Here's the beginning of my "flip list":

1) Expectation: I should have found true love by now. Appreciation: I have the love of God, family, and friends.
2)Expectation: I should be very popular (thousands of Facebook friends!). Appreciation: I know amazing people who inspire me daily to keep moving forward and growing.
3) Expectation: I should be a smaller dress size. Appreciation: I have apps, gym visits, fitness instructors, and nutritional information that have assisted me in finally learning how to manage my weight (I lost 30 pounds and still get to eat like a Chicago foodie-sometimes😉).
4) Expectation: I should be in an executive position at work by now. Appreciation:  My clients who teach me things that I would have possibly never learned without them.
5) Expectation: I should know how to be the perfect social worker. Appreciation: I have a challenging profession that reminds me of my calling to do God's work.
6) Expectation: I need to be more connected. Appreciation: I have Community-my Fringefam crew, church peeps, neighbors, Facebook peeps, family, friends-I could go on and on, but I appreciate the investment that everyone puts into service for the greater good. 

These are just a few of my "flippers" to inspire you to think of your own. What weighs you down? What can be used to lift you up?  Wherever you are in life, remember to celebrate the milestone. In the moment, we can choose to learn (appreciate) or we can lose (depreciate)-only you can flip the choice.