Taking the Complication out of the Relation
Ah, February, the season of love. The time of coupling up. Throughout the years, I have noticed that this time of the moment can be a moment of despair and loneliness, or a whirlwind in the hustle and bustle of setting up romantic surprises. I always find it interesting that for one day, Valentine's Day, relationships can seem so simple, then can remain complicated for the other 364 days. But, perhaps we can simplify the steps to strengthen our relationships. Here are a few steps that may uncomplicated things a bit. You see, relational practices can be similar to our relationship with our physical health. Check out these tips:
1) Plan your diet.
Sometimes we have to accept a difficult truth: what works for me, may not work for you. Some people can eat gluten all the time. Some people, like myself feel the worst after ingesting even a bit of the stuff. Does that mean that all gluten is evil? No, but it does mean that perhaps you cannot tolerate the gluten. Relationships are similar to diets-not all relationships are going to benefit you in the same way it may benefit someone else. We often become caught up in what we believe should work for us. If it doesn't, we blame ourselves or someone else for the fail. But, sometimes it is not so much that someone is right or wrong. Sometimes, the food that we love the most (for me, it will always be macaroni and cheese), can be the most detrimental. I may choose to have some macaroni and cheese, but I must also accept the implications that come from it as well. However, I may have a friend that can digest it just fine. The more we can accept our own dietary restrictions, the more we can become more compassionate towards one another.
*The caveat to this is abuse. Whether physical, emotional, sexual, etc, abuse should not be tolerated for anyone.*
2) Say something.
Say it with me: "I am not a mind reader. You are a not a mind reader. We are not mind readers." Often the complications come from the words never said, from the feelings never expressed. How long have you gone without telling friends or family about your struggles. Days, hours, years, maybe never? If you things are complicated, try find out what information you are missing. Perhaps you may need to check in with yourself. Maybe your heart or your mind are speaking to you, but you are ignoring them. Take the time to acknowledge their presence. Perhaps someone has done something to hurt you in the past. None of us are exempt from this. I have hurt people before, you have hurt someone before. If you are human you have most likely inflicted pain on someone as someone has inflicted pain on you. But, in order to prevent future pain, we must be able have a conversation about such hurts. If the person refuses to acknowledge such pain, then you have uncomplicated the situation. If someone cannot or will not, acknowledge your hurts, then they are most likely an unhealthy relationship for you. However, we cannot debunk the mysetery until we ask.
3. Be open to love.
Yes, this world is full of hatred. There are constant injustices. People suffer at the hands of others. We receive messages as to whose life is worth more or less. But, there are also amazing, loving people. If you cannot see these people at first, be that person. Learn to choose understanding over judgement, forgiveness over retaliation. Choose to give others the freedom of choice over manipulation. I have found that in my darkness moments of heartbreak, I was blessed with a loving community. A community that does not judge me, a community that encourages me too be my best, understanding that I am fallible. I find that that I focus more on my relationship status within the moment, with every person that I meet. I trust that when my soul mate emerges, that love will be a natural state of being. I will not require a relationship to protect my self-love and appreciation for love, because I already have love. But, this something that we have the opportunity to choose every moment. You see, every time you choose to close off love to someone, you demonstrate a distrust of love. Yes, love is risky. We cannot force love, but we can be love. This does not have to be complicated. Give when you can, to yourself, and to others. Be kind-we all need the kindness of each other. It is as simple as that.