Bringing Honor to All of You
Have you ever seen the movie, “Mulan”? If you haven’t, I won’t add spoilers here, but it is the story of a young woman who goes to war so that her elderly father does not have to. Along the way, she experiences a host of challenges that test both her inner and outer strength. We see her make difficult decisions along the way that ultimately shape the woman that she becomes. Which led me to ponder, how do we decide who we become? Do we have a choice? And if we do, how do we honor that person?
One major theme that arises in the movie is this belief that one must bring honor to their family and their community. We see this in many cultures-the expectation that members of that culture will make decisions based on how much honor will be brought to the family. For some, it is deciding to take a job that has higher status within the community instead of the job that one might be passionate about, but is not seen as highly as the other position. Other times, it is choosing a faith belief system or associating with others to bring that honor. These cultural expectations may also inform how we treat others. The expectations can become the framework for how we choose to live our lives.
So, what is the problem here? It feels good to have the pride of community members and can make it appear that you made the right choice. But, what if it wasn’t the best choice for you? Or if it was a choice you weren’t prepared to make? While wanting to bring honor to our families and others in itself is not inherently negative, if it becomes our only focus, we miss opportunities to honor ourselves, which then can lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health concerns.
The potential impact of only doing what you believe would honor others is that we neglect ourselves. Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, a psychologist and writer of Non-Violent Communication, describes depression as “the consistent denial of one’s own inner needs”. He then goes on to propose that our tendency to dismiss our own needs often reinforces negative thoughts and behaviors that exacerbate depressive and anxious symptoms. Like Mulan, our inner self may be asking us to honor ourselves, even if others may not see it as honorable.
Think of the most dishonorable thing you could do according to your culture. When we ignore our inner wisdom, we are dishonoring ourselves. So, in this lens, we can look at ignoring our own inner wisdom as engaging in that behavior. The more we dishonor ourselves, the more separate we become from our true selves. That voice that used to be loud, becomes quieter and quieter until it is inaudible. By that point, often our mind and body are in distress, but we are so disconnected that we can’t clearly see the source of the pain.
If you have found yourself in a space where you are saying “I don’t know what I want or what would make me feel better” more often than not, it may be time to fight for yourself. We often know the price of bringing dishonor to our communities, but we haven’t been conditioned to also pay attention to the price we pay for dishonoring ourselves-however, there is a cost. Choosing to honor ourselves allows us space to live our lives authentically. It gives us the freedom to enjoy our lives. It opens new pathways to overcome challenges. It also helps us navigate that decision making zone that we find ourselves in throughout our lives. So today (and everyday), try to find ways to bring honor to yourself. For more resources on making those decisions for yourself, check out our videos on Facebook and Instagram.
