It's okay to be okay.
Being a highly sensitive person (and a recovering overachiever), okay never felt, well, okay. There has always been an expectation that I would do exceptionally well. I was told by people who wanted the best for me, that my best was the standard. Thus, I tried in every aspect of my life to be better than okay: I needed to be a better partner, worker, family member, etc. However, in all of this, I never realized that in my mindset I was inadvertently sending a message to myself that I was not enough.
I struggle with writing this piece as I acknowledge the cognitive dissonance within myself. On the one hand, we are often praised for being in a growth mindset. We are often conditioned to go above and beyond. In fact, in the past couple of weeks, I have received multiple emails admonishing me for not going above and beyond, despite pushing far beyond expectations for months at a time. However, my soul knows that there is something inherently damaging to internalizing such expectations. Expectations such as these put ourselves in a no-win situation. I have worked with clients who have felt a sense of regret in investing so much of themselves into an organization, relationship, etc to the point that they don’t know what is enough. They do, however, know that they have internalized unrealistic expectations and have been left to figure that out on their own.
If you are feeling this way, I want to let you know that you are not alone. In a world that stresses productivity over rest, it is common to feel that you must always be striving for something or else you are doing this whole life thing incorrectly. Here are a couple of truths that I hold on to when I feel that okay in unacceptable:
Relationships require reciprocity in order to be healthy. Whether at work or within one’s personal life, we have numerous relationships with others. If others are not respecting boundaries or supporting the process, it is impossible to have the best for that relationship. It takes two in this situation to create the best for the team. Thus, I give myself permission to release the things that I tend to take responsibility for that are not mine.
It’s okay to be okay. I don’t have to be the best all the time-in fact, as an imperfect human being it is impossible for me to be the best all the time. Striving for perfection only brings more harm to me. I am in recovery and I have to practice being grounded in being okay sometimes.
Just because someone says that striving is right, doesn’t mean that it’s always right for me. We, as humans, are often learning and changing our mind about what is right. So, perhaps we can give ourselves some time to learn what is right for ourselves, instead of waiting for someone else to tell us something that might not be right for our. Learning to listen to those signs from our mind, body, and spirit, can help prevent harm. I can be flexible and trust that if I listen to all aspects of my inner self, I will find the path that is right for me.
June, being a month of Pride and freedom, can be a strong reminder that being yourself is more than enough. I think about Juneteenth and how slaves had to believe that freedom was possible. However, they did not wait for someone to give them that freedom-that freedom is inherent to human beings. I get to choose if the expectations of others is going to break my soul, or if I can say “okay” to myself. If there is any aspect of your life that you are carrying an unsustainable weight, consider how you might be able to let that go-that freedom and power starts with saying, “okay”.