Let's hear it for the Boy

I was looking over my social media over the past few weeks and noticed an interesting trend. Each post, particularly those about emotional wellness and mental health, had the face of a woman. Language in each post seemed to be more geared toward the feminine, but discussed topics that all people tend to face. I then went on to reflect on my male clients and men in my life. Each one had experienced some amount of suffering, but had learned to suffer in silence. Instead they focused on what they could do and who they needed to do it for.

While I have seen this thought process in people who identify as female as well- the need to take care of someone, I have also seen women feel comfortable expressing their feelings to supports. Beit their therapist or friends, females have often been socialized in such as way that emotions are just a part of their existence. However, it seems that the standard is different for men. Instead of being encouraged by supports to express how they feel, there may not be any discussion on what is going on internally. Instead there is a focus on what is happening externally and how one might improve the situation.

For the longest time, I believe that labeling women as emotional beings was wrong. Often this label became perverted by the idea that emotions mean instability. In my view of being marginalized based on being labeled as “emotional”, I missed the privilege within that as well. Because I am automatically seen as an emotional being, I get to take up space emotionally. I don’t have to image that my peers will see me as weird if I start crying merely because I identify as female. I get to express my feelings without worrying that I will be ostracized for having them.

Thus, I wanted to write about this to let those who identify as male know that we see you. All people have emotions and to set a societal expectation that only certain people should be able to even acknowledge those feelings brings us all suffering. Not only do unexpressed emotions run the risk of creating harm when they are forced to be expressed (because we can only suppress them for so long), but we limit how far our relationships can go. We may desire a close relationship with a male, asking for them to be vulnerable with us, without even knowing that there may be an invisible wall inhibition surrounding emotion for men that creates a blockage in the relationship.

Allowing all people to express their emotions safely benefits all of us. We can learn so much from one another when we feel safe enough to be vulnerable and that starts with challenging some of these societal expectations. If there is a male in your life, try asking how he is feelings about somethings and listen. Appreciate that he is doing something that he may not have ever been told that he could (or should) do. Let’s normalize everyone getting a safe space to be heard and seen for who they are, instead of solely what they can do. Let’s hear the men and the boys, so that we all can heal.