Finding Fertile and Healthy Ground

This week, I was able to spend some time in San Antonio. I came to town to visit family and meet my newborn niece (now a week old!).  Prior to the visit though, I began to wonder about pregnancy in general and how much energy it takes to carry a human, or even a dream to delivery. I found myself frustrated-being highly sensitive, I always feel like I have so many different seeds just waiting to sprout. I tend to be creative and there are always ideas, or new ways to do things-the challenge is figuring out which ones to plant, and when.  

From a business perspective, it often feels good to have so many ideas to grow my business. However, sometimes the weight of those ideas creates a sense of pressure to try to manifest all of those ideas at once. I want my business garden to look complete now, which can easily lead to feeling overworked, with very little fruit from those efforts.

From a personal perspective, waiting for seeds to sprout can be equally overwhelming. As a single woman, I have been told that I should be focused on creating a family. There is a social pressure to have children by a certain age, and if you don’t have a partner to build that family with by a certain time, then something must be wrong with you. Society sets expectations for what it means to be a man or to be a woman for you to create that “ideal” garden. However, society within itself often does not provide the seeds to build that beautiful garden-nor does it take into account that subjective nature of it.

This month, I also spoke with a fertility specialist about this to explore if these pressures for women were actually accurate. She confirmed that society, inclusive of the medical community, have set a standard about the best time to have children. She mentioned that it is dangerous to create such a generalization though because it is inaccurate. Every female’s fertility is different and thus the more important aspect is to know your own fertility and options to plan by your own standards, not someone else’s.

So, instead of me focusing on when my personal or professional “seeds” may sprout, I am committed to spending some time getting to know my own seeds. I am getting to know myself and my own preferences. I am setting realistic expectations for where I am right now, not where I wish I was. I am sharing that weight with others-talking about these seeds in my head, so that they can help me unburden a bit. Finally, I am acknowledging the seeds that I have already nurtured and have created beautiful fruit in my life. The gardening process was very messy at times, and still continues to be difficult in the moment, but I find that my plants are healthier for it. To me, that is sufficient, while I learn the best way to expand my own garden, in divine timing.

What seeds are within you that you feel burdened with? Is there something that you can do to closely examine your own seeds and decide for yourself what kind of garden you want for your own life? My hope and prayer is that you will learn more about those seeds so that you can have a healthy garden, on your own terms.