Glimpses of Greatness

Before I started writing this post, I was stuck in a local CVS store, perplexed amidst the sea of Hallmark Father’s Day cards. You see, for me none of these cards captured the true sentiments that I share with my father. My feelings are complex and have taken (and continue to take) an absorbent amount of time to integrate. However, I have found moments of greatness in our relationship-instead of allowing others to define what is a “great” father or a great life, I am choosing to identify those moments of greatness for myself.

As I write these words, I realize that this message could become overly simplified-I assure you that this is not a “Make America Great (Again)” Trump campaign. In fact, messages such as those often become part of the problem. When we think about making anything great, such as a relationship, our bodies, our careers, etc, we often take on the idea of how others define that greatness. We get stuck in that “success quotient” that can lead us to disappointment and shame when we don’t ultimately live up to those great expectations. Once shame becomes involved, we find ourselves in an uphill battle with our own sense of unworthiness that ultimately keeps us from experiencing the great moments with ourselves, and with each other.

So, how do we reach for those moments of greatness? For me, it starts with acknowledgement. What would the world be like if individuals and organizations were just able to own the things that they do great and the things that they do that are not so great? We all do things that are not great-we all miss the mark sometimes. I must admit, as a social worker, it can be challenging to admit this. Often, it feels easier to blame something else from getting in the way of my greatness-unjust policies, limited resources, poor leadership, broken systems, etc. And yes, those things can limit the overall greatness that organization, or that relationship can experience. However, I must also acknowledge those moments in which I have not helped that situation.In those moments I became complacent because I had a moment in which I did not believe that my work was creating that positive impact. A sense of shame for not being able to be “great” despite all of the obstacles-not being able to be a great father, a great partner, a great friend. You see, the illusion of being great often brings us to sabotage the moments in which we are fully equipped to be great. So, how do we overcome shame and sabotage? Perhaps it starts by acknowledging the times we fell short and then choosing to move beyond those moments,  defining the greatness that we desire for ourselves, noticing the skills and resources that we do have, and reaching out for support in those areas in which we might not yet have those resources, that may help us reach those moments of greatness in the present, as well as being honest with ourselves that the reality of being just “great” isn’t really grounded in much reality at all.

So, whether you have “great” relationships, jobs, etc, or not, I hope that you will take the time to appreciate those glimmers of greatness. Those moments that feel right for you. Defining those moments for yourself can be quite empowering. For me, lately my moments of greatness have been learning to speak my truth.  I used to believe that I would not ever be able to communicate my true feelings with others. I was used to being shut down, avoided, or abandoned and felt that admitting how I felt would only diminish my “great” relationships or the perception of greatness that I believed others saw within me. Over the past year, I have realized how striving for that greatness did not leave me feeling great at all-in fact, it seemed to widen the gap between what I wanted, and what I believed that I deserved. Now, greatness comes for me in those moments when I choose to speak my truth, even if someone may feel a bit uncomfortable. It’s been the numerous conversations that I have had with my parents to acknowledge those times that weren’t great growing up. It’s been those times when I have set boundaries with friends who may have wanted to go out, but I needed to rest. Those glimpses of greatness make achieving “greatness” something that I can do at anytime. My opportunities for that experience are not bound by others, it is chosen by me.

We all have greatness within us and we all have opportunities to catch those glimpses within ourselves and within each other. I encourage you to choose your own glimpses of greatness and approach those moments with gratitude. Choose to have those difficult conversations with yourself and others that acknowledge that sometimes things just aren’t great-and that is normal. If you want to learn more about having these conversations, check out our Facebook page (Fringefam) and Instagram (Fringegram) for tips. Remember that even those seemingly unimportant moments can lead to more moments of greatness. You get to choose when you start your journey for glimpses of greatness, and anytime can be a good start to recognize those moments for yourself.