Deciding on the Safest Choice for Self (Relatively Speaking)
“Let your yes be yes and your no be no”. For years, I grew up hearing that from my grandfather. My grandfather was a strong, steadfast leader in our community. As a leader, I knew that you had to be able to make a decision and ride out with the consequences. However, as an individual, I presumed that there would be more flexibility in that arena.
Over time, I have learned that this principle is something that I have to face on a regular basis. As a sensitive black woman, I learned that there were people who seemed more able to make decisions. I grew up with a mother who consistently believed that she was in charge and thus she felt that the decisions were up to her, even if they impacted everyone else. She grew up in a space where she was allowed to have choices. My father, also independent and sensitive, tends to examine every angle before making a decision which often takes time and energy. Thus, I learned that being impulsive would be nearly impossible for me because as a sensitive person, I am almost always gathering information, but I did know that in order to be where I wanted to be in life, I would have to make a decision, and stand by it.
So what is a girl to do? As a therapist, who has a therapist, I have learned to trust the process. I can choose to make informed decisions, and go along for the rider, knowing that I made the best choice for myself, given the information that I have.
In a time where there is a lot of uncertainty, we can choose to try to apply the knowledge that we do have, even if we may not have those additional facts.
Since we all have to make a decision at some point, I choose not to waste energy dwelling or whether or not I made the right choice. There are certainly times upon reflection in which I realize that I could have made a different choice, but I remind myself the following affirmations:
I made the best decision that I could in that moment.
I can choose to go another way at any point.
No matter the consequence, I will be okay.
The truth is, you are the leader of your own life. As we grow, we learn. So, if you are having trouble trusting the process, consider ways that you can trust yourself. Assess what you need, and what resources you have at the moment to make a decision and move forward, even if you do not have all the information. Each time that you make a decision, there is an opportunity to reflect on that impact and decide if that is the way that you want to move forward in the future. Where we may feel unsafe, we can choose to make make decisions that help up feel the safest that we can be, relatively speaking, given the information we have-this is how we survive, and ultimately, thrive.